You may or may not have noticed but I havent blogged for a while and although taken a break between posts isn’t all that strange for me, the length of this break has been much longer than the others.
The main reason for that was quite frankly because I felt I was stuck in a bit of a rut and I just couldn’t shake it.
The point of this blog is for to express my thoughts and feelings but quite honestly I didn’t want to blog about my thoughts and feelings. For one, I honestly thought it would make me feel worse. Droning on about why I felt in such a crappy place and also I don’t want to have a blog filled with my problems. Blogging about your problems is great and I know some blogs that cover such things brilliantly but this a blog about my life and my family and I don’t want it filled with negativity.
Why was I in a rut?
Being unemployed for the past 2 months? I have had rejection after rejection and even more companies simply havent replied. I am 33 years old and for 95% of my life since leaving school I have worked full-time. Losing your job and not working at all is a real shock to the system. If I hadn’t have had a family that meant I had to get out of bed and get on with life, I would have probably been a recluse by now. Eating leftover takeaways and spending life under a duvet. (Which pretty much describes the remaining 5% where I wasn’t working!!) but I can’t do that. I have responsibilities. I have children that need taking to school, gymnastics, granddads house!!
BB being poorly? BB spending pretty much 2 weeks took a lot out of me. I was tired and found it difficult to sleep. I think at any other time I would have been fine but with every minute I sat in that hospital I could feel myself getting further and further into a rut.
My new role as a SAHD? Being a stay at home parent isn’t easy. I have always been conscious of coming home from work and making out how tough a day I have had when I know that The Mrs has been at home with the boys alone all day. The difference was in some ways The Mrs had time to slowly get used to being at home with the boys from being babies to toddlers where as I went from working on the Friday to SAHD on Monday. The boys had their own routine and I think its taken me a while to get used to that.
The pressure? I always feel like I put myself under pressure. Most of it laid on my shoulders by myself. I felt pressure to pay the bills. Before kids my wife earned more money than I did. She worked in a sales environment and with commission she was the main breadwinner. When BB arrived that changed and I knew without my wage we would be in trouble. Maybe that lead me to take a contract that inevitable caused all this rubbish. Now as a SAHD I put myself under pressure to be a better dad than before. My wife is an amazing mum and sets a high bar when it comes to being a stay at home parent so I have to make sure I keep up! I am enjoying being at home with the boys and I know
I think it was just a combination of things but whatever is or was, I think I can see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. (Please not I have neither been in a tunnel or stuck anywhere. It’s simply a colloquialism).
I’ve missed blogging and (I always seem to be saying this) I hope to blog more. I’m thinking of changing things up and blogging about other stuff such as movies and maybe TV aswell as my views on parenting.
Well I appear to have in fact failed at my attempt at ‘droning’ on but it felt good to get some words onto a page/screen so it’s gotta be worth something right? Thats kinda the point?
Now I’ve got to go. The boys want to go to the park and who am I to deny them such things, after all who doesn’t want to go to the park in near freezing temperatures!