The incredible F’***ing hulk?

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There’s a monster inside me and its trying to get out.

It’s been there for years. Sometime I can contain it, sometimes it just jumps out without me even realising! The monster inside me is bad. Bad language.

A story from my childhood (about 6 years old) goes a little like this…
I’m sat playing with some toy cars on he floor of my aunties house and one of the cars goes flying to the other side of the room.
With a glum look on my face I said to myself “Oh sugar butties”.
 My uncle laughed to himself and asked my why I would say such a strange thing. My response was simple; “Well, I used to say shit, but my mum says I shouldn’t say that anymore!”

So here I am now. With a 10 month old, who no doubt doesn’t yet understand a word I’m saying, but I know someday soon he will. I don’t want to look back on his first word and be ashamed it was Fu*k, B*llox, A*se or any other of the bad words that come flying out of my mouth without any consideration for the innocent audience in front of me.

I can’t be the only one can I? The Mrs doesn’t have this problem and very rarely swears, maybe because I do it enough for both of us.

Do you have a monster inside you? How to you keep it under wraps?

You better leave me a comment now…..or you might just make me angry!….YOU WONT LIKE ME WHEN I’M ANGRY!

As always, thanks for reading


  1. You’re not alone mate! I’m a proper potty mouth and have had to adapt. It’s tricky too! My answer is to swear like a trooper at work instead and introduce a swear box at home; the money goes into my sons’ bank accounts as a weird form of compensation for any profanities they pick up. Now go and wash your f*cking mouth out! 😀

  2. It’s a hard thing to unlearn, isn’t it! You spend your working life effing and blinding at the computers, learning the 104 correct uses of the work “f*ck” and generally expanding our vocabularies and then the kids come along and you’ve got to switch it off like *that*.

    So far, 12 years and 5 kids in, I think I’m doing pretty well. They’re all good at ratting on each other when they’ve even come close to swearing. The best approach to deal with it, we’ve found, is to ask them to explain what the word they’ve just used means. If they don’t know, we calmly explain that they should not use words that they don’t understand.

    One of the funniest we’ve had was my eldest coming through to the kitchen, hotly pursued by one of her brothers claiming she’d just used “the F word.” Under pressure to explain, before getting into perceived massive amounts of trouble, it turned out that was exactly what she’d said: “The F Word.” How my wife and I held a stern face until she was out of the room I do not know.

    If you’re having trouble swearing, there are certain episodes of Father Ted that will help – No Fuppin Swearing!

  3. My wife is a childrens nurse and had to teach herself to say fudge, sugar and basket instead of swear words. It’s the moments when you react to something that are hard like stubbing your toe, or stepping on a toy

  4. Too too true. My four year old has picked up the ‘profanity’ that is ‘oh bumpers!’. I don’t know where he’s got it from, he hasn’t sworn properly yet but this phrase does seem to have the adequate verbal relief factor, and he uses it appropriately! I do like ‘sugar butties’ tho. Perhaps not so good to direct at someone. ‘You dumb sugar buttie!’ dodgy territory I reckon!

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